Rating: 9.5/10 - Shoeless Ho

What did Saturday’s lunch crowd at Sportsman’s have in common with a nude beach in Thailand?  Not much, unfortunately, except that there sure was a lot of German being spoken.  The return of prodigal Kraut Skidmarks just happened to coincide with what appeared to be a Lonza team building event--  featuring Whore- nando, Paris Hilton, & newcummer Christian.

A few other noteworthy returnees (a la Pepe le Pew & Vanilla Rice) and a couple more newcummers (Soggy’s friend Vineet & Cantochick #322752) brought the hash crew up to a round & healthy 30.  And it would have stayed that way if the ice delivery hadn’t been 20 minutes late…  giving Screwer just enough time to pack up her camel toe & hitch a ride up to Sportsman’s.

Changing hares sounded much less complex than actually trying to find a new run site, so returnees Skidmarks & Pepe Le Pew were given 6 jin of flour, driven out to Faceplant Square, and released with a 15 minute head start.  American Ed Dunn was also added to the haring team, representing a country that hadn’t taken ass poundings in both world wars.

The hares proved themselves to be wily, if perhaps not all that bright.  The trail wound out of Faceplant square in a sort of clockwise-spiral pattern…  nearly crossing over itself before breaking out into a counter-clockwise spiral a little further west.  This pattern repeated itself several times, making for a tricky (and slightly hypnotic) trail.  With a little help from the hares, the pack managed to pretty much trample any vegetables in the region that hadn’t yet been harvested…  and the hares more or less managed to avoid any major fuck-ups.  With the exception of that last ascent to the ridge along the highway…

Full Moon Run!

Well, that was actually the previous Wednesday…  but a late start, the 2-hour trail, and some stretches of sketchy markings set the stage for an intimate & moonlit circle.

Love is in the air…  Succumbing to the ambiance of the parking lot (or perhaps the noxious fumes still rolling off our new Yangshuo shit- scooper-cum-drinking vessel) Shoeless Ho & Sir Cum Navigator were soon professing their love for each other.  Much to the surprise of their respective wives Hami Melons & Globetwatter. 

Much to Shoeless’ surprise, his Muslim wife Hami Melons just returned from a Jewish wedding party in Australia with a new-found appreciation for--  circumcisions!

Blue Balls turned down the shit-scooper, preferring instead to have a drink out of his brand spanking new trainers.  And an auspicious week it was for shoe downdowns, as veteran shoe drinker Skidmarks was there to preside over the ceremony of it all…  with Flashing Snapper flashing & snapping away.

Vanilla rice was called out for showing off his “bomb-ass” Chinese skills…  by brag- ging to the local ladies that he can tell the difference between real & surgically- enhanced breasts.  Pepe le Pew fired up the crowd by arranging a little “blind grope test” for Vanilla.  The line-up included Frigid Bitch…  and then a collection of horrors that Vanilla is better off not knowing any more about.

RA Soggy Biscuit brought up Flashing Snapper to recount an earlier conversation about her snapper.  Make that her cat.  They covered how to pet it (gently), Soggy’s chances of ever petting it (slim), and how to keep it smelling fresh (get your a-yi to come over & wash it for you).

Skidmarks brought up co- hare Pepe le Pew to announce that Pepe would soon be a father.  Pepe proudly admitted it was true…  and noted that the child was conceived on the Spring Yangshuo away hash!  And he still made it for the YS hangover run Sunday morning!

At some point someone noticed that poor Florence was still planted squarely on the ice.  Various names have been kicked around for our lovely Xinjiang friend over the past several weeks.  Florence ended up sealing her own fate, though, on the bus ride out that day.  There seemed to be a bit of “hands-on” flirtation going back & forth between her & Whorenando on the bus ride out.  Now, Hash GM Shoeless Ho couldn’t see exactly what was going on, as the action was mostly hidden by the seats in front of them, but rest assured that the Ho is an accurate & reliable source of information.  The only thing Shoeless could positively report was that, after some time of this, Florence reaches into her bag and starts pulling out tissues…  using just her fingertips, as one does after handling something messy.  And so, much to her dismay, but to the wild approval of the crowd, Florence shall hence forth be know as…  “Happy Ending”!

Well, enough was enough, and so we headed into town for dinner & some more.  Cums With Cockney was downdowned for blowing off the run entirely and just showing up for dumplings.  Pepe was serenaded with his favorite song (“Stand Up…”).  And newcummer Christian earned the respect of all 25 hashers present by stripping down to his waist, in the middle of the restaurant, in order to drink out of his new shoes--  twice!

Well, enough was enough, and all headed home for showers…  only to regroup at the Paddy Field 1.5 hours later…

Frigid is liking that a little too much!

And so it appears, is Matress Pad

On On!

Hash Scribe—
S. Biscuit

Upcumming Hashes:

#915, Dec. 1st— 
Hares SirCumNavigator & GlobeTwatter are putting on a RUN!  There will be walking, running, and ass-whooping trail options!

#916, Dec. 8th— 
Hares Screwer & Pinhead!  And, against his better judgment, Filthy Habits is inviting us back to his crib again!  Bring picture ID!!!  Or you’ll be partying on the wrong side of the security checkpoint!

#917, Dec. 15th— 
The Malaysian Invasion!!!  We hear these guys all run like Finger Licker & drink like Thumbelprints!  All day hash!  There will be a bus!  There will be a shirt!  Confirm your spot with Shoeless Ho TODAY!!!

As usual, don’t forget to check out the website—
www.gzh3.com !!!

And send your hash related pictures to—