The Wayward Son Returns!
After nearly two months on the road, showing his sister around China, traipsing to Shanghai for reunion hashes, and getting some poonanny from a certain resident of “The Office’s” town of Slough, Soggy Biscuit deemed it time to finally CUM back home to GZH3. Joining Soggy were newcummers Wonder Woman (from the Shekou hash), her friend Selina, Xuan, and some returnees that aren’t so important. Surprisingly for me, Filthy Habits came on a day that I too came (simultaneous climax!) since I had heard of this famous hasher from the Free Nation of Taiwan but had never had the honor of actually hashing with him in GZ over the last 4 months! He proved to be worthy as that he and I were the only ones wearing gear honoring the day’s special US Marines Birthday Hash! Shoeless Ho! and lovely wife Hami Melons came together (unlikely) with Shoeless claiming injury and volunteering to lead the wankers today. He immediately put on the hard sell for newcummers to buy hash gear and managed to intimidate poor Selina into buying a hash cap. Blacksheep remarked that he could totally envision Shoeless working out of the back of his beaten up 70s Volkswagen bus selling things at a flea market in any town in Zimbabwe. It was a little lonely in Sportsman’s without SirCum, lovely wife Globetwatter AND Boxy Pussy but when we took off with Mushmouth, there was a solid group of 20 hashers with no idea of where we were going and who would be the hares! On On!!  

Faceplant Square, You’re So Kind To Us!!
Once on the road, Platterpuss decided to head to tried and true hashing location Faceplant Square (or Luogang Park, as it was once known). So many hashes are possible from there that no two trails are alike if you ran four hashes in a row there.  Once we reached the location, we got off at a newer point that was not as familiar to most but not far either. This is the village with one of the rarest surviving Mao propaganda likenesses on a wall from the “good old days” of famine and random beatings by Red Guards. From this point, Platterpuss decided he’d live hare alongside Blacksheep and soon they were off to set, what turned out later to be, The BEST Hash EVER!! the park. Thank God!!

Combat  101 Training Course
Blacksheep and Platterpuss wound the path through fields, villages and old folks sitting out to soak in the days sunny rays. Once along a nice long dirt path, Platterpuss realized he had overshot his intended tunnel under the highway to Meizhou so he and Blacksheep cleverly back checked and headed under an alternative drainage tunnel leading to the other side and what turned out to be great training. If you’re a Marine or special forces grunt! After hacking through 6ft long grass and climbing up concrete and rock walls, hashers found that they were running inside a drainage ditch along a major highway. The hares then thoughtfully brought the path inside a little to get away from roaring trucks and buses only to hit barbed wire fences that required hashers to climb through, under or over. Luckily some forward thinking villagers had previously done the same and cut wire along some points and made nice openings that even Screwer, Shoeless Ho and tall guys like Filthy Habits could easily navigate. After negotiating the barbed wire, climbing down a sheer faced rock cliff and some high grass, hashers were off and running on some man made dirt trails that were full of trick back checks and false trails. Finally they hit the inevitable up, up and up trail. After summiting, the trail ran along the crest offering lovely views of the valley below and visible, clean skies. We almost forgot we were in one of the most polluted environments in the world! Finally the trail took the hash down through od growth star fruit groves and shaded, terraced mountainside and through the old FP Square temple built into the side of the mountain, leading out through FP Square park which, for some odd reason. Looked more like a moonscape this day because little peasant laborers were busy ripping apart the entire park (which had at one time been beautifully landscaped) and setting in what looked to be drainage pipes or sprinkler systems. I guess that wasn’t part of the plan when they did it the FIRST time around?? Ahhh…planning.

Circle Games and New Names
Nearly two hours after they started, hashers began streaming in slowly but surely and as credit to the hares, not a single hasher was lost or had to make desperate phone calls like Willy Wanker did last week! Filthy Habits was heard to remark that this was worth even TWO fifty kuais! John Wisconsin even went as far as stating that of all the hashes he’s done in GZ, this was the “funnest” he’s been on. Kiwi Michael also had good things to say but he was mostly happy that Sunshine wasn’t there to cling onto him all day. Soon the circle got underway with RA Soggy Biscuit and GM Shoeless Ho! presiding over the festivities. After recognizing the hares, newcummers and returnees, Soggy got down to business and had an assortment of infractions to cover, including Shoeless Ho allegedly leading the walkers this day and, due to his poor eyesight, ending the hash not with his precious Hami Melons, but rather with Screwer! That was a statement to his predilection for larger breastages AND poor vision! The Americans (fuck YEAH) were called up for running hashes through spilled hog waste in Indiana and Filthy Habits and Platterpuss serenaded the circle with the Marine Corps Hymn in honor of the 232nd birthday. Long time sometime hasher Crystal was set on a block of ice for quite a while because a name opportunity came up and it was high time she got one! In addition, she was busy being the tourist of the hash this day with her professional camera bag and 800mm massive camera/artillery piece that could probably spot a flea on Shoeless Ho’s ass from a mile away! After some other down down and the circle being opened up to accusations after the sun went down, Mismanagement decided it was time to relieve Crystal of her agony and to finally name her. Originally, it was thought that because of her never-ending talking and vast ocean of knowledge (Ed Dunn can testify to that) we were going to name her “Blow it All” (in reference to being a blow hard and know-it-all) but in a genius last-second suggestion from Filthy Habits, based on his witnessing in depth of her camera work and camel toe-like tight pants, it was decided from that moment on, Crystal would forever be known on the Guangzhou Hash (and any other she might try to bore to death) as "Flashing Snapper!" Whereupon everyone packed up, hit the road and had an enjoyable, cheap and delicious Guizhou spicy dinner in the Four Provinces building.

**Note: Due to next week’s Yangshuo hash, the bus has been CANCELLED so if anyone in GZ actually wants to conduct a hash, they are free to do so on their own!!!

On On!!
Platterpuss

Upcumming Hashes:
Nov. 17&18 (912&913):  Yangshuo DIY hash Weekend
Nov. 24 (914): TBA
Dec. 1 (915): SirCumNavigator and Globetwatter’s KILLER hash!!

As usual, don’t forget to check out the newly Aussie-enhanced website—
www.gzh3.com !!!

And send your hash related pictures to—