Holiday in China Means Makeup Days!
Arriving at  Sportsmans on a fine sweltering Saturday, I couldn’t help but notice Pussysniffer’s genius new marketing campaign to draw in the quality customers. Taped to his door was the sign: “CHEAP DRINKS”. Well if that doesn’t bring the Congolese child soldiers, Nigerian drug dealers and Yemeni explosives traders in like a prayer call, then I ain’t living in Guangzhou!  My hopes were not high for a strong turnout knowing that in China, with the National Day holiday looming on Monday, most people would have to work this weekend to “make up” for the time off they were given by the State. You figure it out. Fucked up planning with Chinese characteristics? Anyway, I came upon young Blue Balls enjoying his delicious KFC lunch (but no CHEAP DRINK). That was a good sign for starters. And it was still early! Shortly after 1:00 more and more hashing diehards started trickling in with returnee Blacksheep in from his hometown of Zimbabwe after having learned his family farm is now growing dust and his new landlord is named Mr. Mdickwad Mugaloid. Who’s your daddy?? Other returnees were WuTheFuck, Willy Wanker with a trimmed bush and FireInTheHole’s boy toy Ian. An extra treat was having SircumNavigator and his lovely Globetwatter join us after having weaseled their way out of their job and convincing a “stupid newcummer” to take their place for the day. Pimpadour was there to claim he deserved a 10 hash patch just before fucking off to Beijing, but it was debatable. Soon we were 17 and were off to an adventure of epic proportions at Bai Yun Mtn in a luxury liner provided by Mushmouth’s colleague. 

Heatwave Cums To GZ With NO Relief in Sight!
After stopping for a minute at the Baiyun Mtn gate to pick up Boxy Pussy’s friend and fellow hottie Tina, we alighted at the GZ Workman’s Injury Hosp. area. The day’s hash was preset courtesy of sexy yet humble hares Shoeless Ho! and Platterpuss, thereby ensuring a great, unforgettable hash despite the fact that it was 35+ degrees (c) and almost October! With the ground rules set, the hares were off for the first live portion of the hash with the rest of the preset stuff following. Up in the idyllic, peaceful mountain trails, the hares were relaxing and soon heard the pack yelling their “on on” and a whistle blowing in the wind, courtesy of Ed. Soon the pack came rumbling by the well camouflaged hares with only one or two noticing and the rest blindly clomping forward. The hares joined in at this point to sweep and make sure everyone stayed well on the trail checking for all false trails. Running with the front runners (or trying to keep up with Globetwatter, Boxy Pussy and Ed), Platterpuss and BlueBalls soon heard an angry screaming madman yelling in the bushes near a main road. Not knowing what it was until they got closer (with a Chinese danwei outing too afraid to go check), it didn’t becum apparent until they actually saw the famed yet mysterious hairy wildebeast in the bush that SirCumNavigator was lost and screaming for someone to rescue him! After berating him for not following the flour, they were back on on before noticing another flock of SCB’s (Short Cutting Bastards), John Wisconsin, and Blacksheep led by Irondick. Eventually all made it back with Shoeless Ho! chivalrously escorting Tina back to the bus on her very first hash. What a guy. 

Patriotism, Immigrant Knowledge and Model Institute!
Even after the front runners had been back a good 10-15 minutes, the sweating had not stopped due to the intense humidity of GZ. Luckily most of the ice was still intact because of our proximity to Sportsmans and large order by the GM. When everyone was formed, Platterpuss reminded all that National Day was around the corner and got up representatives from various countries to sing a few bars of their respective national anthems. Shoeless Ho! represented Canada, SirCumNavigator with the NZ Maori war chant, Pimpadour for the UK, Ian with a song that was NOT the U.S. anthem, BlueBalls for Oz, Blacksheep with whoever now controls Zimbabwe and finally Wu The Fuck with a rousing rendition of the Chinese anthem! After that, there was only one newcummer this day to intro herself. Tina from Heilongiang, attending The Guangzhou #432 Bikini Modeling Academy soon had all the guys’ attention with her bare abs and Daisy Duke shorts. After Tina’s introduction, the circle progressed to more fun and games with a theme that for ANYone that drank, Pimpadour was to drink too! We’ll miss the manwhore with his mangina, but he’ll be so much happier in Beijing with those Northern girls.  Next, Platterpuss gave a new version of the test for new American immigrants to the Americans on the hash with only John answering correctly (and it was later found out he had read the test the day before!) and everyone else hoplessly lost, including Ed whose job it is to propagandize the Chinese! After many accusations that included Pimpadour and against Pimpadour, I think he was feeling numb. It helped that the poor guy was on ice yet again for a second week in a row because of his whining to get his official GZH3 10 hash patch. After checking and cooking the books, it was agreed that he probably did run at least 10 so he was rewarded. Newcummer Tina was brought up to have a “Daisy Duke Faceoff” against WuTheFuck, Boxy Pussy, and John. It was just an excuse for Platterpuss to get her up for the boys and finally he ended it with an accusation that she is getting her underwear from the cheap copyright flouting cousin of Calvin Klein, Calvan Klain. It didn’t matter because it looked so cute on her.

Beijing Duck and Baijiu…
After the hash, most hashers ended up at the famous Beijing Duck restaurant when it was learned John Wisconsin had never had the famed meal. After enjoying his lovely duck, Shoeless Ho!, based on a suggestion by Ed, decided another cultural tradition had to be shared with John: the drinking of cheap assed Er Gua Tou moonshine. Poor John didn’t seem to mind but later asked Ho if he could borrow some to take home to kill the roaches that were invading his apartment! A good time was had by all and we look forward to seeing everyone again next Saturday!

On On!!
Platterpuss

Upcumming Hashes:
Oct 6 (905): TBD
Oct 13 (906): TBD
Oct 20 (907): TBD
Oct 27 (908): TBD

As usual, don’t forget to check out the newly Aussie-enhanced website—
www.gzh3.com !!!

And send your hash related pictures to—