Celebrities Return to the Best Hash of Summer 07!
Okay, so it is technically not summer anymore, BUT this is Guangzhou and as we ALL KNOW, summer here can run well into November! Sportsmans had to kick their chef awake early Saturday due to an unexpected influx of customers as early as 12:30 with long time MIA hasher Platterpuss back after a summer vacation from his job of doing, uh, nothing? Joining him shortly thereafter were the happy munchkins Pippy & BlueBalls, with Soggy Biscuit(!), Shoeless Ho! and newcummer Edward from Minnesota via Pakistan. With this many people at Sportsmans so early, you had to wonder if the rats got enough sleep for the night? As more and more people started filtering into our meeting place, Soggy had to run home to get the all important special items for the circle which he left under the pillow that the flavor of the night was sleeping on. Soon afterward, another long time MIA also showed up: S’alaam A’lami and Boxy Pussy pulled up and we immediately knew Boxy was to be on her best behavior today. Apparently S’alaam A’lami was taking a break from the hot as hell desert of Afghanistan to relax in the humid as hell, polluted environs of GZ for “something different”. Most people might have gone to Club Med, but once you’ve been exposed to the Spartan life, why have luxury and comfort??
Shui Xi, Are Ye Still There??
After loading up the bus with 29 eager hashers and some misunderstanding because of Pippy’s inability to count past 20, the hashers were OFF to the adventure of the day. But not without some sort of inevitable delay as Shoeless Ho was getting phone calls from hashers that couldn’t be bothered to show up with the group on time and insisted the bus meet them at a more “convenient” location. 1.3 BILLION people and EVERY single one of them an individual. Hmmm…5,000 years of history and culture and STILL a “developing country”? I’ll not delve on that. It’s been overdone. So after we stopped to pick up Screwer from her belly dancing lesson, we were REALLY on the road and off to adventure! After a traffic jam-free trip and not getting rear ended by a fuel truck, we reached our destination near the famous #2 Middle School. Looking around the site, the hashers immediately knew that future scouting missions would be needed to find hashing grounds as this area would be covered with “luxury housing”, a new highway and factories in about 4 more months. In the meantime however, the land was still inviting and intrepid hares Soggy Biscuit and Platterpuss were off on a live set hash through uncharted territory! On On!
Not Caught Unless Hasher Lays Hands on Shoulders and says: “Caught!”
Brave, fast, and well-hung hares Platterpuss and Soggy Biscuit laid the flour through amazing new terrain features that may have been slightly familiar to some hashers but awed most of the others with its natural wonders. Going up steep hills, deep valleys and shaded by old-growth lychee tree plantations, the hashers were treated with an adventure in Guangzhou that could only happen for a mere 50 kuai without hookers. At one point, however, Soggy told his partner at a fork in the trail “Let’s go up to the left. I know it’ll lead over the pass with beautiful sights and lovely trails.” A trusting person Platterpuss is, so he allowed Soggy to lead on until it was obvious the hares were fucked and trapped after hacking around for 10 minutes and soon hearing their pursuers pounding the turf nearby and SirCumNavigator’s cries of “on on!” with Shoeless Ho nearby trying to direct the newcummers on trail customs. In a brilliant display of deception, the hares made themselves invisible as the hashers were mere short meters from them. The hares then dashed off in a circuitous movement that would have had tank commanders in Russia ’41 proud of their maneuver. After breaking off to a separate sector of the trail, several of the wankers spotted the hares and tiredly tried to pursue but with no result. Irondick, for some reason not a front runner today, led Pippy Uglystockings and a few of the others to within reach of the hares but never closed the deal to seal the fate of the hares. The hares then disengaged from the pack and swiftly popped over a ridge and easily lost the pursuers into Shui Xi village where Mushmouth and the amber nectar awaited all.
Early X-mas, Rewards For Loyal Hashing And Lessons Needed for The Circle…
After all had caught their breath and had stopped losing all the moisture in their bodies, the circle finally got underway with Shoeless Ho taking charge and asserting his authority. Newcummers included Ed from the States, frightened teachers Jo and Ilene (UK and NZ), and a slew of young Chinese visitors who were curious to see how a drinking club could possibly have a running problem. In addition, there was a returnee from Belgium that last hashed here in 1997(!) and hadn’t shaved since then either! Well it seems that after years of debate on how to reward loyal hashers for their dedication and weeks of depositing 50 kuai, the mismanagement finally got their shit together and had some cool new patches made representing the numbers of hashes a hasher has done on the GZ hash! Awards were handed out for 10, 25, 50, 100 and 200! Hashers should find some sort of jacket or robe to sew these on to start proudly showing off their hashing prowess and not having a life! In addition to the patches, Platterpuss found a going out of business sale for t-shirts and handed out memorable gifts to some of the dedicated mismanage-ment in recognition for nothing in particular. It was also discovered that the circle singing skills of the GZH3 has deteriorated greatly due to the numbers of newcummers that have not been exposed to bawdy songs by old timers and a committee has been appointed to remedy that!
Anway, the after hash dinner was at Lao Bei Fang where it was such a clusterfuck, or “goat rope” as newcummer Ed kept insisting, that your correspondent said “fuck it” and went home.
It was voted by all to be “BEST FUCKING HASH OF SEPTEMBER!!!”
On On,
Platterpuss
Upcumming Hashes:
Sept 22 (903): Sheep Shaggers - hares Sir Cum Navigator and Globe Twatter
Sept 29 (904): National Day Hash! Wear RED, your 888 shirt OR something with YOUR country’s colors!!
Oct 6 (905): TBD
Oct 13 (906): TBD
Oct 20 (907): TBD
Oct 27 (908): TBD
Oct 31(909): (HALLOWEEN HASH!!) – hares Platterpuss & TBA
As usual, don’t forget to check out the newly Aussie-enhanced website—
www.gzh3.com !!!
And send your hash related pictures to—
