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| GZ Hash - Run 894, Mao Feng Shan Massacre, 14th July 2007 | ||||
A break in the on & off rain of the past couple months gave hares Cums With Cockney, Blue Balls, & Soggy Biscuit the opportunity to “pry the legs open” (so to speak) on some virgin hashing territory they’d been eying for some time now— a voluptuous stretch of hills & valleys most of the way out towards Mao Feng Shan Forest Park. A narrow, winding approach… nowhere to turn around… you could hear hash bus driver Mushmouth bitching already. Perfect. There was a short discussion regarding the distance (fairly long), the terrain (fairly steep), and the day’s ambient temperature (hot, damn hot)… Oh, details details… 50 Kuai Of Heat Stroke, Please! Back at Sportsman’s a 20-strong crew of hashers and a triple order of ice were loaded into the GZH3 war machine. Mushmouth punched the coordinates for HeLong Reservoir into the targeting computer and we were off.  Rolling across the top of the reservoir (with Shoeless’ ass cheeks pressed up against the inside of the windshield), Mushy slowed down almost long enough for the day’s 3 hares to board safely and then it was a short ride to the run sight. It was a narrow, winding approach… nowhere to turn around… hash bus driver Mushmouth could be heard bitching softly to himself. Perfect. A Two-Bottle Run The pack started off slowly and then, well, continued that way for the rest of the run. Perhaps not slow enough for Pin Prick, though-- as the day’s only walker she decided to give it a go with the runners instead of being left in the wilderness. Maybe she heard about Sunshine’s A-to-C run the week before (when everyone else went to “B”). But more on Pin Prick later. The trail (for those that finished it) was, as promised, voluptuous. A bit demanding, given the 100-degree heat, but those able to press on were rewarded with shaded lychee grooves and spectacular views of the cultivated valleys far below.
Highest Attrition Rate Ever!  You’d think we were the Bagdad Hash House Harriers… Not 20 minutes into the run and either enemy snipers or the slightly muggy weather took out the first 2 hashers. While most of the pack picked their way up a steep & bamboo-covered slope, Pin Prick and GM Shoeless Ho (!) decided instead to take a seat at the bottom and discuss how best to not vomit. Note for next “two-water-bottle” run-- in addition to carrying them, instruct hashers to drink out of them as well. Pin Prick and the Ho then took turns carrying one another back to the bus.
The next casualty came as mighty mini Thumbelprints was rumbling down one of the day’s several steep descents… Apparently distracted with the (admittedly) spectacular view, she neglected to keep up with that right-left-right pattern we’ve all come to know & love. After rolling to a stop several terraces down from her starting point (and being laughed at for a while by Iron Dick) the other hashers gathered around to confirm that she had, in fact, fucked herself up. Thank god the swelling in her knee didn’t affect her ability pouring beers later in the circle…
Lucky casualty number 4 nearly went to Taiwanese hasher Shocked, who disappeared down a long false trail into thick trees. All hashers know you never leave a man behind… but, let’s face it, the man was gone a good ten minutes and so was left for dead. Shocked would later be found nearly 2 kilometers down the trail, thundering out of the underbrush in such a commotion it looked like the Kuomintang were invading. Bruised & bloody, all did manage to find their way back to the bus, nestled in a shady nook next to a small stream. Shoeless Ho, however, decided it would be better to have the circle not only out in the blazing sun, but also on the front steps of one of the local villager’s houses. Literally-- the pourers were standing in the front door of the place! It was actually a brilliant move by the Ho, as all the locals who usually gawk around the edge of our circle instead lounged in the shade over by the hash bus… and gawked from afar… Then, with new Cultural Advisor MiLaoShu comfortably seated on 15 kuai of ice, the circle began. Xinjiang newbie Florence was brought up for turning white as an Englishman upon seeing veteran hasher Filthy Habits bent over naked inside the bus.
And, after many more pitiful excuses to drink warm beer out of a bed pan, the circle closed. Mismanagement thanked our local hosts, Mushmouth vacuumed up every returnable empty in the village, and it was off for another Canto-meal featuring the latest scourge of the GZH3… BaiJiu. Hash Scribe—
Upcumming Hashes: #895, July 21— #900, Aug. 25—
Send your hash related pictures to—
Our Hashers enjoying the calm before the storm
Using yet another local's tiolet.....
The check that stopped the hash - found after the ripped farmers house
At the viewpoint, best breeze in town
Look closely, Filthy is being robbed, Pin Prick is singing opera and Mi Lao Su is checking for dead mice
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Speaking of Filthy Habits naked, Cums With Cockney was singled out as the “dirty girl” of the hash for giving her stamp of approval to his genitals. GM Ho (!) then decided to sponsor a break dancing competition, in which Aussie Hong easily outspinned Cums With Cockney. Those Russians don’t know shit about the 80’s. Shoeless Ho also called out DongBei Cheryl for being a “lovely girl in an ugly pair of shorts”… and then gave her the number of official hash shorts advisor Wu The Fuck. Creepy Nutz called up Co-Hash Scribe from 2 weeks back Soggy Biscuit to clarify that his place of employment was, in fact, a 5-star whorehouse in Dongguan… not 3-stars as had been alleged. Thankfully Creepy harbored no hard feelings, though, and announced that the “Hasher’s Special” down in Dongguan would continue as usual. See Creepy for details.
