Old and Infirm Weekend in GZ
After several emails from Spiderman (former GM and GZH3 Alpha male sensation) hinting not-too-subtly that he would be back in the ‘Zhou for a business trip with a possible free Saturday for a hash, it was discussed and agreed upon to put out emails across the world to notify former GZH3 legends to cum back to GZ for this weekend for the first annual “GZH3 Old Tymers Hash”! RSVPs and some regrets were soon returned to mismanagement and it looked like a pretty good turnout would be seen here in “The Big Dirty”. It all started off with an informal gathering at the Hill Bar Friday night with such luminaries as Spiderman, Dickmagnet, Caveman (damn him and his hash number padding!), Wasted Seed, Mr. Clean, Irondick and Platterpuss enjoying many happy hour 13 kuai pints of Carlsberg (hint hint, Pussysniffer). Soon the group was joined by Everready and a client of hers who was probably in shock after 5 minutes of listening to the conversation at the table. In addition, Spiderman dragged along a colleague from Switzerland named Roger, but more on him later. After Dickmagnet could stand his hunger pangs no longer, he jogged over to the nearest kebab joint and ordered a Turkish feast, da bao and came back to the Hill Bar where he was immediately told by the bar wenches that he could have the food there but couldn’t eat it!! Naturally since this is a “market economy” the group said “blow me” to the manager and headed for the nearby Mango Bar where the policies are more relaxed and the outdoor seating offered views of nearby pedestrians and hookers. Speaking of hookers, shortly after we were seating and scarfing the chow, who shows up to join us but Shiggy!! After a few more beers, a call was made ordering GM Shoeless Ho to join this high ranking gathering of former GMs to prove his mettle and gan bei a few.

Can You Say Heatstroke??
Fresh in from a pleasant excursion from the land of curry, snake charmers and hellacious cases of diarrhea, Soggy Biscuit set off with Platterpuss to set a most memorable hash ever in the charming lands surrounding Shui Xi Village north of the “Science City”. With groves of old growth lychee trees providing abundant shade, this was surely to be a comfortable and happy run through the countryside (I’m sounding like WuTheFuck now!) More and more celebs were cumming to join this party and we soon saw Burning Spears and Tall Muffy showing up too after a looong absence in addition to Power Puss. Mattress Pad was amazingly early as was Boxy Pussy. Joining us for his last (never say last here) GZ hash was Kelsey the writer who didn’t manage to get into any sweatshops in Guangdong. Maybe he can head for northern China where they use slave labor in brick kilns instead. The bus was off from Sportsmans at promptly 1400 hrs and a good crowd of over 30 hearty and brave hashers were soon on the road! After starting off on the trail, it was soon apparent to some that two bottles of water might not have been enough. It was HOT. After the usual checks, backchecks and falsies, the group was pretty much on on and having the time of their lives. It helps when the hares are geniuses and incredibly agile and clever. Thanks Soggy and Platterpuss!!

It’s Quality, not Quantity that Counts!!!
Basically, with the loud and unintelligible cheerings of driver Mushmouth, we found out that we had been hashing only about 30-40 minutes by the time we arrived at the On In. Better a fast hash in this weather of 30++ degrees than dead bodies to carry, I suppose. After all, the average age of the hash today had gone up at least 15-20 years! Soon Shoeless Ho and Soggy Biscuit had the circle up and running and their tenuous control. Tenuous because there were 3 ex-GMs in attendance and a gallery of smart asses wiseacres and loudmouths! Among the returnees, besides the old timers, were Tupperware Jon, Krusty, Roger Ritz, MacInToss, PePe Le Pew, and a girl I don’t remember except that she has a nicely endowed chest. Speaking of chest, it was recognized in the circle that of all the well breasted girls in attendance (and there were quite a few), the northern Chinese representation definitely seemed more, uh, “natural” compared to the Canto rep. Other wild down downs included Caveman retaining his title in the Weather Report contest, and Boxy Pussy getting into what seems like a regular routine now of going into men’s shorts and inserting ice in their crotch! In this instance, Boxy also had a Viagra tasting comparison with some of the Old timers lining up and the audience determining which of the old farts seemed to need the magic blue pill the most. Winner of this one was…. Our man Shiggy!!! Basically, the circle became a sort of organized mayhem after a short time with villagers staying a respectful distance from us for fear of catching some disease that causes insanity!

Hotel Heiress Spotted in Guangzhou!!
WE soon found out hasher Roger Ritz from Switzerland was possibly connected to the famous family of hoteliers across the world with the same name due to his upbringing in a small village in the Swiss Alps in which everyone is named Ritz and no inbreeding occurs. This was an occasion for a naming and Spiderman, using and abusing the power formerly vested in him by the GZH3, named young Roger: Paris Hilton! Since Paris may end up living and working in GZ for a couple years soon, it’s a good thing he’ll be cumming here already with a hash name!! Additionally, poor young Paris was also wearing new everything due to not having sports gear when he arrived and buying everything that morning at the Friendship Store. Soooo, it was new shoes, socks, shorts and shirt down downs for Paris! After the hash boarded the bus and left the villagers of Shui Xi to the blocks of leftover ice, we were soon on the way to an on on dinner of Xinjiang style cuisine. The beers were entirely wiped out on the bus and luckily we chose a Muslim restaurant in GZ that is more pragmatic in their business and have realized that yes, beer does go well with kebabs and big plate chicken!! I’m sure Allah will forgive them. The hash might not though as the only working air conditioner there was cranking out enough cold air for about 1 square meter and it was equal to eating in a sauna (minus the hand job) that night!! A great time was had by all and all hashers, Old time, and new were appreciated!

On On,
Platterpuss

P.S. – I will be gone all summer so CUM out and support Soggy Biscuit and your GM Shoeless Ho as the killer hot months are here!! See you all in September.

Upcumming Hashes:
892: TBA
893: TBA
894: TBA

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