Separating The Men From The Boys

The most assured theme of the recently had hash surely must be the most horrendous of climactic conditions!  Nevertheless, 6, yes that’s 6, count them, 6, as in 六,TRUE BLUE hearty hashers decided to give it a gritty and grisly go.  Cold, wind, rain and mud would be no match for these 6 warriors of hash.

The six brave souls slowly sauntered into a most depressing Sportman’s. Cold, poorly lit and with the quiet melodies of sad sounding Elton John in the background,  most felt as if attending a wake rather getting geared up for the mother of all hashes.  Sitting round a single table, Soggy Biscuit, Filthy Habits, Black Sheep, Whorenando, John Wisconsin, and returner Man Man Da reckoned the horror that waited for them out on the cold trail.  In an attempt to lighten the mood, Black Sheep told the group of the recent power outages in Africa caused by the locals trying to steal the stay cables from the transmission line towers…not to funny…until he added that it should be quite profitable for his generator exporting business!

The minutes ticked by, well past 2PM, and still no Mush Mouth.  The hashers began to think they may have the favor of the hash Gods, who had decided to spare them from hashing on this horrible day.  At the last possible moment, Mushy did appear bearing his big blue bus of misfortune.  The hashers piled on, leaving half of their ice dumped on the street.  Filthy brought plenty of reading material, which he distributed to the hashers.  Silence permeated the cold cabin as the hasher rolled and read toward their impending date with a hella hash.

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Public Health Warning:
Tsingtao Beer Shrinks Your Cock!

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(Tiger Beer Company is a financial contributor to Guangzhou Hash House Harriers)

Wet N’ Wild

Upon arrival, most of the crew bore it all, stripping down to shorts despite the freezer frigid air.  It was decided that Black Sheep and Soggy would hare, Whorenando and Man Man Da would walk and Filthy and Wisconsin would run.  Black Sheep commented this should be renamed the “Noah’s Ark Hash” as everyone was leaving 2 by 2.  The hares took off and were followed at intervals by walkers and the runners.

The first major destination on this sloppy and sliding trek was a seemingly abandoned pig farm, which must have been in use at some point in the near past given the magnitude of fresh and smelly cow pies covering every surface.  Moving along quickly, Filthy Habits nearly injured his ankle in a hidden hole, disguised by brush.  Next, on through some farmers fields, where Filthy found time and a place in his heart to free some birds that were ensnared in a farmer’s bird catching trap.  The 2 runners whacked through bush, up and down a hill and into a valley where they could see the walkers off in the distance. All the while getting wetter as they went,  they came upon one particular farm where a band off angry dogs barked and brandished angry teeth, only to be called off at the last second by their insistent owner.  Farther down the trail and close to home, the runners had a run in of the H5N1 variety while making their way through a pushy pack of poultry.  Much to their disappointed, the runners reached the bus only to find the walkers had gotten there first.  Even more amazing was Soggy’s report of seeing a flash of yellow moving through the bush, only to realize that Whorenando was finishing the run with an actual run, never before seen and never to be viewed again.  All agreed it was the BEST HASH EVER!  No really, it was ridiculous fun.  You are all pussies for not cumming out.

A Very Public Peeing
Upon completing the run, the hashers stood around, recovering and recounting the recent running retreat into the rolling hills.  Given the rapidly falling temperature and proliferation of soaked skin, a most intelligent decision to hold the circle inside Mushy’s Blue Bus was made.  The non standard circle was performed without proper bedpans and wasn’t actually a circle at all, more a huddle of hashers sitting on seats, raising their cans on command of down down.   Many accusations were made amid a quality consumption of the

most amazing, famous, well known, and astounding TIGER BEER!  (Tiger Beer Company is a financial contributor to Guangzhou Hash House Harriers)
One quite impressive down down was directed at the Americans, who Soggy believed for the first time was the majority nationality represented on the hash.  Seeing as the circle took place on the bus, no packing up was necessary, with Mushy instinctively starting the bus just as we started singing “Swing Low”.  The ride home proved to be much more jovial than ride out, with a healthy amount of beer consumption continuing on throughout.  Soggy was given an additional down down for public PDA with Man Man Da.  Towards the end of the ride, Black Sheep reached a critical level of needing to pee.  Unfortunately we were located in the middle of a traffic jam on a Guangzhou expressway, leaving no opportunity to pull over for a piss break.  Black Sheep did the only thing possible and used the Blue Bus window as a urinal, relieving himself out onto the road.

Hot Hot Hunan Fan
Upon arrival back at Sportsman’s, it was noted that the ice left at the curb was still there in its full form.  During the bus ride, it was decided that given the cold conditions, hot pot would be most fitting to warm us up, but on the way to the restaurant, the group spied “Hunan Girl” on Taojin Lu.  An impromptu decision was made to skip the hot pot and head directly to the Hunan.  All agreed the meal, which included frogs legs and the most delicious eggplant, was excellent.  The only dissenter was Man Man Da, who claimed the eggplant SUCKED.  From Hunan Girl, the crew dispersed, having had a hearty hash.

On On,
John Wisconsin

Upcumming Hashes

Feb 2nd? – T.B.A.

AWAY HASH- March !       T.B.A
RED DRESS HASH !!        22 March

Remember: If you see someone who is attractive and successful…it’s probably because they drink TIGER BEER